And life goes on...

Matt left me the week before Easter of this year. I knew we had our problems but I didn't realize how deep they were. I am very hurt and angry. But I am thankful for my girls and the rest of my family. My brother and dad and girls have been here for me. So I am living here alone with my five dogs whom I love dearly. Frodo is now fifteen years old and is partially blind and deaf. He also has severe anxiety and the other two boys don't like him. All three of the boys are cranky. Frodo bumps into them and they all start growling and snarling. The two little girls are happy and cheerful with everyone. The house needs some maintenance work and a deep cleaning. I can't decide if I am going to move or not. I lean toward moving. I at least need to refinance so my payments aren't so high. School is going well. I have the best group of kids. Love them.

Things aren't so bad...

Summer was a hard time.  Things are better.  Bree is doing well.  She is working in town and brings Moka over while she works.  We've gotten closer and I love that.  Traci found out last week that she was accepted at Baylor grad school.  YAY!  She deserves it.  We ordered her announcements last weekend and they came in the mail on Friday.  Keri is in Utah.  She still loves Caleb.  I miss her. We are all going to Nevada for Thanksgiving. It'll be wonderful to see her again and for us all to be together.  She and Caleb are coming home for Christmas.  Traci graduates on December 20.  My dad is doing much better. I really felt like he wasn't going to make it much longer.  He and Georgia moved into their new house.  Dogs are great.  They are my sanity.  I found a flea on Frodo tonight so I gave him a bath. He has been scratching and scratching and is miserable.  If he has a flea the other dogs do too but I can't find any on them and they don't scratch like he does.  His poor skin is probably just more sensitive.  He also doesn't see well.  Blizz doesn't see well either.  I am happier than I have been.  I just miss my girls.  Wonder what the rest of my life holds.

Random Pictures!

Shadow:  He hates going to the groomer but he loves feeling pretty.  He is scared of the camera so I tricked him and took this in the car, over my shoulder.  Baby boy!

5K Color Run for MISD with two of my best buddies and little friend.

We went to a crappy restaurant for Matt's birthday but got this sweet picture.

Keri is loving being away at school. She is homesick though and is counting down the days to see us all.

Matt cooks dozens of eggs every week and he saves the yolks for the dogs.  He's popular at treat time.

They're both adorable.

I won the book character pumpkin contest.  

Traci and Cameron.  We went to Galveston in August.  Gorgeous!

Two more cuties.

All of us.  Missing Bree and Harrison.

Our little YAY YAY.  Love my baby girl.

Life is full of changes.  I'm not much liking the changes that have occurred or will occur soon.  Most are good.  Some are bad.  All are just a part of our journey here on earth.  Maybe I find a bit of comfort in that thought.  

Bree:  entire situation.  disappointed.  guilt.  I'm stupid. horrible mother.  Traci:  about to graduate then go to grad school.  happy.  leaving me soon.  happy.  sad.  serious with a non-member.  guilt. sad. devastated. worried. my fault.  Keri:  moving to Utah.  happy. sad. devastated. boyfriend. happy. worried.  Mom:  gone forever. sick to my stomach.  surreal.  lonely.  miss her with my whole heart.  Dad:  losing him.  sad.  close relationship.  happy.  need him.  Matt:  unsure. sad. insecure.  i have no one. School:  stressful. at least i have a job.  Friends:  non-existant.  lots of sort of friends.  i miss Edith.  i miss Kathy.   i have no one.  When Traci and Keri leave I will be all alone.  They can't life my life for me nor would I want that but I don't want to lose them. I miss the days when they were younger and we were all together.  I miss the old Bree so much.  I am a failure as a mother and as a daughter of God. I should die.

OK so now we know why I don't keep up with this blog.

Summer!

Tucker eating his Happy Graduation strawberry ice cream!

 It's been a wild ride!  The past six months have been crazy.  There's lots happening in my family.  We never found a suitable home for Tucker.  Guess he's ours.  He is a good boy except he is unpredictable with other dogs.  He's never hurt anyone but he is a little scary with his barking and lunging, thankfully always on a leash.  I took him to dog obedience class and he did well.  He is very smart.  He remembers tricks and commands with little practicing.  We always had to be on guard with other dogs though.  He is awful with Moka.  :(   Moka, on the other hand, is perfect.  More news on him later.

I am so happy that school is finally out and I have some time off.  Bree is working at a hair salon here in town and that is nice. I will get to have lunch with her and see her whenever she has time.  Traci is home from Baylor for the summer.  She isn't working, just picking

Matt and I went to visit Trae in Waco.  What a sweetheart she is!

up babysitting and odd jobs to make a little money.  She wants to be free to do whatever she wants, the slob.  She is the best, though and I'll never complain about her!  I am proud of all of my girls for different reasons and in different ways but at this point in Traci's life, I could not be prouder. 

 Keri has changed her mind about going on a mission for now.  She met a boy.  He is a very nice boy and we like him a lot. Keri is still working at the doggie day care for the summer.  She says she is going to go to UVU (in Utah) in the Fall.  I want her to go live amongst more LDS and I want her to get more active and have a wonderful life.  There's so many things that I would change in my life if I could. I don't want my baby to leave me though! What will I do without my Keri Berri?!  It also occurred to me that I won't be able to go out there and help her move in because school will have started. It's not like I could just take a day or two off...  I realized yesterday that she will be leaving me in a couple of months.  Traci will start grad school (cross your fingers!) in January and won't be home next summer which probably means she'll never really "live" here after thsi summer.  What am I going to do with my life?  I need a hobby!

 Bree took Matt and me to the Rangers game for Mother's Day.  She said she doesn't have any money left to get her dad a Father's Day gift so the Rangers game will have to be his gift too.  We all got a few things for him that I know he will like.  He is such a good dad and husband.  He deserves the world.  He spent all week in Oklahoma for girls camp, helping out with the cooking, setting things up, cleaning up, canoeing, etc.  What a guy!

I don't know why sometimes I can get it to type on the side of a picture and sometimes I can't.

 Ah, Edith!  My sweetest friend, I love you so much!  Bree and I went to San Antonio to visit her over Spring Break.  Edith is not doing well with her cancer and I wanted to make sure I saw her at least one more time.  Her daughter Ashley and Edith, Bree and I spent the day on the River Walk. I am still embarrassed a bit about the amount of money Edith spent on us.  She wouldn't let us pay for a thing. I'll have to post more pictures later.  Love my Edith!

 Moka is amazing!  He graduated from his beginning obedience class with Tucker. We actually took them to the same class to see if the teacher could help us with Tucker's aggression toward  Moka.  There were three other doggies in the class so we didn't get that personal attention. I think I am going to take Tucker to the trainer at PetCo. I think she is more of a behaviorist and that's what I need for Tucker. Oh yeah, but this is about Moka!  He passed his AKC' Good Canine Citizen test!  Now he can be a therapy dog or do volunteer work at a hospital or something really cool like that.

The one thing he did not like was this graduation hat.  Silly boy!  I just love that dog.  He means so much to Bree that it's not funny.  He is now six years old and I guess that's fairly old for a lab. You can see his gray chin in the picture.  Baby boy!  Bree has done such a good job with him.  He's been amazing since he was a baby, never too wild.  I miss him living here.  If it weren't for Tucker being a pain in the bootie with him I'd be wanting Bree to bring him over here while she works.  We have to keep the two totally separated.  Tucker knows that Moka is afraid of him so it makes him even worse.

Well Mark invited us to go to lunch for Father's Day.  We are meeting him in just a little while.

I hope I update this more often!

Well, well well Here I am again.

Betcha thought I'd never come back.  Well here I am.  Life has a way of changing without a moment's notice.  I have a wonderful class this year.  I am blessed with 20 kids who want to learn instead of goof off.  I have my work cut out for me though when it comes right down to getting every one up to grade level.  Many of my sweeties struggle with their learning and I now must do whatever magic that I do in order to bring 'em up to par!  HA HA  I am enjoying my class though.  Second semester begins on Monday so it's time for new goals!

Instead of New Years Resolutions, I decided to have monthly goals.  In Sunday School I learned that our goals should fit within four areas:  spiritual, mental, physical and social.  These are my PERSONAL GOALS:
My SPIRITUAL GOAL:  prayers, scriptures, tithing
MENTAL GOAL:  kindness to Matt; be positive
PHYSICAL GOAL: Walk three times a week
SOCIAL:  Go to Homemaking meeting


WORK GOALS:

DAILY:  1.  Be totally prepared for the next day before I leave for the day.
                2. Have that day's papers graded and put in gradebook.
                3. Follow schedule to a T.
                4. Speak to each child in a fun way at least once a day.

WEEKLY:  1. Have lesson frames and activities completed by Tuesday.
                    2. Have lesson plans and activities sorted by days by THursday.
                    3. Guided Reading Lesson plans and activities completed by Thursday.
                    4.

Family-wise, everyone is doing well.  Keri dropped out of McLennen in order to work full time so she can save enough money to go on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am very proud of her.  She will make a tremendous missionary.  Bless her!  Presently, she is working at a doggie day care caring for dogs while their parents go to work or on vacation.  She loves it.  She is back on her health kick and I am trying to follow her somewhat. I ate a turkey burger with green beans tonight. Yummy!  Now if we can just get the girl to stop bringing home stray dogs, she'd be a keeper!  Anyone want a husky mix?  He's a cutie patootie!

Traci has one more week left of christmas break.  She's been doing lots of relaxing and spending time with the boyfriend.  Too bad we haven't seen him this entire holiday!  Wonder what's going on with that?  Trae is also studying for the GRE that she will take for the first time next week.  She's working really hard on the vocabulary part.  I think Cameron is going to help her with the Math part.   I can't neglect to mention that my baby made all A's again.  Small momma brag!

Breezi moved in with her boyfriend, Harrison.  It seems strange that she left our house on the day of my mom's funeral.  She didn't tell me she was leaving...Well she seems happy and I hope that this all works out for her. I miss her and I miss Moka.  We are still very close and talk almost every day.  She will be off probation in just a couple of weeks.  YAY YAY and more YAY!

My mommy's 74th birthday.  Her last one.

My mom passed away on October 2.  She only lived here for two weeks. I expected her to live here much longer.  When we moved her here I thought that she would be here a while.  It took two weekends to get her packed up and stuff brought over here then she died.  And I was having to go to work and I really didn't get to spend too much time with her. I wish I would have called in sick on that Wednesday she died. I just had no idea. I did leave school early but that was to go with Mark to help him make arrangements.  Ugh.  There's guilt involved.  I miss my mom SO MUCH!  At least I have my brother and her dog.  I love my brother so much.  It's also helped that my Aunt Mary Lou has been calling me. I know this is hard for her too.  I sent some books and crosses that were my mom's to Mary Lou today. I hope she enjoys them.

Mark and our mommy on Mother's Day.  We had lunch at B.J.'s.

I started a new project:  scrapbooking!  I am so excited to finally get something done with all my pictures.

Life Sucks

Seriously I really am thankful for what I have.  My girls and husband are alive and healthy.  My dad is healthy.  My mom isn't great but she is doing pretty well considering.  Love my dogs.  Work is fine.  I haven't updated because my heart is hurting from all the stuff.  I just couldn't write it. I couldn't verbalize it.  I still can't most of the time.  It is what it is.  At least we are together.  I do OK at school because being busy keeps my mind off the bad stuff.  As soon as the kids go home and I get some time in my room, my stomach feels sick and my heart hurts.  I know I have been an awful mother.  I wish I could re-do so much.  I can hardly bear it.  There's nothing to make it better.  Just more crap to make life a crap-fest.

Well, I'll move on.  Keri keeps bringing stray dogs home.  We found the first one a home because the shelties didn't like her.  Super Bowl Sunday she found a severely matted and hungry little girl dog and brought her home.  The mats took at least an hour to cut out.  She just sat there appreciating it.  The mats were so close to her skin and pulling more fur with every move she made.  When we were done she was SO relieved.  We gave her a bath and fed her and she was the happiest little thing.  She is still skittish somewhat but doing much better.  She had her first pro-groom and looks bee-utiful.  I love helping dogs.  If we had a farm or a bunch of money I would start a rescue.

Dixie...Have you EVER seen anything more adorable???

Well I can think up a few others but it feels good to help her.  Unfortunately (ha!) there ain't no way I can give her up.  The canine population of our household is at its limit.

Traci made it into the Baylor Bruins.  I'm not really sure what that is but what I do know is it's a Baylor University organization that takes prospective athletes (?) on tours like of the stadium or something.  It's hard to get into.  Traci was one of 32 girls out of 80 that got in.  YAY for her!

Keri's doing well in dance.  There's one more competition and it's the Nationals in Florida.  They have worked their buns off.  Keri's lost at least fifteen pounds and looks awesome.  Her little arms are all shapely.    Dang that girl!

Breezi is looking for a job.  She's had a couple of interviews so hopefully something will work out.

Well, until next time...

Keri's new dance team